Honest Crap Award…

Ever play the telephone game as a kid? At one end of the room someone says a single, short message to another kid and it gets passed from one kid to the next then at the other end of the room the last kid announces it to the room? Somehow it always gets altered into some other message. I think it’s a lesson on listening, comprehension and bias – or it’s a chance for the minions of chaos to inject funny stuff and make the guy at the end have to say something dumb.

Good times.

Scott from Pumping Irony awarded me the Honest Scrap award. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, I am awesome. In fact, I expect a few hundred more nominations. I’m not kidding. I’ll be nice though and go with his since he’s the first one to recognize my awesomenity. honest-crap1

This award is a form of meme so I’m supposed to choose a minimum of seven blogs that I find to be brilliant and cajole them into doing much the same. Unfortunately, you’re all idiots compared to my awesomeness so I’m just going to tag myself seven times. Here is my list of Honest Scrap awards:

  1. Me
  2. Myself
  3. I
  4. Smak
  5. Smaken
  6. SmakenDahed
  7. Mr. Dahed

Okay a serious list then…

  1. Darin from The Squid Zone – simply because he’s a troll of the highest caliber.
  2. Ken from My Corner of the Universe – because he’s a radio host trapped in a banking career
  3. Gord from… uhh… gordon.dewis.ca – because I feel the need to reward him for being the first one to have his new character in to me
  4. Syncaine from Hardcore Casual – because he either is a really good troll or really screwed up, either way, it’s entertaining to read
  5. Zubon from Kill Ten Rats – because I can smell the pot smoke everytime I read something he posts
  6. Elf from Slain By Elf – because I am living that big 4e D&D module vicariously through his postings
  7. Craig and Jordan from Monday Morning Fight Club – because they’re nuts and I can put my brain away while reading their antics (btw, the charicatures look a lot like them)

Now I’m supposed to write 10 honest things about myself… lies are more fun though and since I broke the image above, I’ll continue to break tradition. It’s the Ogre thing to do. Smash stuff.

10 Dishonest things about myself:

  1. I am a real Ogre. I stand 8 feet tall and weigh about 800 pounds, that’s 100 founds per foot of height. It’s all muscle too.
  2. I am a vegetarian. I can’t stand the thought of cute little fuzzy animals ground up into a meaty mixture then cooked in various ways. I especially hate burgers. So greasy, plain boring bread buns, crispy bacon, cheese… mmmm… I mean, ick.
  3. I have never taken any form of martial arts and I do not have a black belt… first dan in anything. I’ve never heard of Shaolin Kempo Kung-fu, Shirynjiro Kenkokan Karatedo or Jiu-jitsu. If had really been bounced off of cars by 13 year olds while I was only 7 years old, I might have learned some of that over the years. No, I wasn’t being a little shit and annoying the heck out of those 13 year olds. And no, I didn’t throw up blood in all the washrooms in the hospital I wasn’t taken to. Stuff like bullying and beating up little kids is a new thing, that sort of thing never happened back in my day.
  4. I am gay. I’m not the least bit homophobic but I can’t stand lesbians – just too many soft curves all entertwined with lucious lips panting and tongues probing… Don’t tell anyone though, I am still in the closet, in fact, chances are I’m in the closet behind you. No, that noise wasn’t me… okay that one might have been. Excuse the smell, I had beans yesterday.
  5. I am actually a woman. It’s true. I am a woman and because of that, I never leave the house. I don’t really need any other hobbies, I just have myself… and my webcam. Rawr!
  6. I absolutely hate coffee. I am a soda pop only guy and have been for years. When I see people crowding around the coffee machines at work I think to myself, “Weaklings! I do not need that stuff to stay functional! I just get a good night sleep every night!” If more people would get 10 hours of sleep every night, like I do, they wouldn’t need coffee. Morning people like me don’t need coffee.
  7. I also don’t like alcohol and never touch the stuff. I have never been drunk in my life. Ever. I have never had a hangover either. I have never drank to the point of passing out. I don’t like beer, it tastes icky (see point #4).
  8. I don’t use computers on a daily basis. In fact, I don’t work as a tester in a well known software company. I bet you don’t even have something I’ve worked on installed on your various machines regardless of OS. No, you won’t find my name sitting in the credits in the Help – About.
  9. I hate games. Games are silly wastes of time. People should just give up on games, especially MMO types. There would be a lot less insane people running around if everyone gave up their joyful stress relieving activities like games. Imagine where we would be if we didn’t teach our kids about fun? Let’s do away with fun. It’ll be great!
  10. I am wearing pants as I type this post.

There you go.

If anything there offends anyone, let me know so I can repost it day after day with ever increasing font size. That’s a politically correct way of saying, “too fucken bad”.

The real rules for the meme are as follows:

  1. When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to the said person so everyone knows she/he is real.
  2. Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends. Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
  3. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!

One thought on “Honest Crap Award…

  1. I wasn’t aware this originated from Ysharros – yes, I skimmed some of Scott’s original post, it was long!

    If anyone is allowed to be offended she would be, though I hope she isn’t, because this is just a product of my foolish, ogrery mood at the moment and bears no ill will towards her or the idea for this meme.

    I am what I am.

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